I remember when we first met. It was a super hot, but beautiful July afternoon. I had been impatient, as usual. You probably were just fine where you were. You were the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid eyes on. Your eyes were the most perfect shade of blueberry blue. Your cry, though loud, was the most perfect sound I'd ever heard. And my cry, well it was a mix of some of the pain that was lingering but mostly because in one single second when I first saw you I fell instantly in love with you in a way that I never even dreamed could be possible. A joy, a happiness, and even now a new fear poured out from me when you were born. I had become a mom. Your mom.
In that second you made me want to become stronger, kinder and wiser. You made me want to show you how to do life....but not just ok, to do it well. You made me want to stop time because I knew that I was never going to get that first moment back. That one when I first saw you. And I knew I'd never get any of your sweet milestones back. I literally just want to stop and stare at you every single time you do one of those amazing things. Who am I kidding, I just want to stare at you all the time even now. It's a little harder because you are all over the place, but at night when it's just you and me and I'm nursing you to sleep. That is my time now. The innocence in you as you fall asleep still gets me every time. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't cry occasionally still at night when it's just us. I just still can't believe that you're my beautiful sweet little girl. That your dad and I really brought you into this world and that we get to keep you forever.
I think about all the things that I want to teach you and tell you about. How to blow bubbles on your tongue, how to swing on a swing just right so that you can go super super high. How to teach you to dribble a basketball between your legs. I will teach you anything you want.
Most of all now though, I think about all the things that scare me now that you're mine. All the things that I can't control. You falling, you bumping your head, you scraping you knees. I am so scared so much now that I might not always be able to stop you from getting hurt. What I will do though is always be there to make it better. Whether its with lots of kisses or boo boo bunnies. I'm always going to be there. My most important job, my biggest job now is to always care for you and some how try to prepare you for this big scary world that you just want to explore.
Rorie, you are the most amazing thing I've ever done. The best thing I've ever done. You are my little girl and I love you more than you will ever know. Being your mom has made me better...at everything because I just want to be the best for you.
I love you.
xoxo,
Mommy
No comments:
Post a Comment